Flying into Thailand for a whirlwind visit, having your hair braided and your body massaged, enjoying a Tom Yum soup and a Singha beer before departing once again is not a Thai vacation. This is an exhausting travel compromise, and although you may return home with some stunning holiday snaps, chances are you won’t have even peeled the first layer of the real Thai onion.
Everything about Thailand is very different from much of what the West accepts as social norms, and as such, care must be taken not to offend, even if you are only there for a quick visit. Good manners will get you through most encounters, and while Thais are not generally dogmatic in terms of etiquette, there are a few Do’s & Don’ts that will ease your passage;
Do:
- Be respectful of the monarchy and monks
- Cover your legs and shoulders in temples and other holy places
- Remove shoes when entering temples
- Return any Wai greeting
Don’t:
- Point with your feet or a single finger
- Place feet on tables or chairs. Keep soles facing down
- Touch people’s heads.
To assimilate into any new destination, it’s important to realize that with almost no exceptions, it is not the music, the food, or the attractions that are the country’s life-force, but the people. Getting to really know the locals and their culture, beliefs, etiquette, motivations, etc., is getting to understand the country’s heartbeat, and success in this venture can be enormously rewarding.
Respect and Harmony
Although Thailand is often considered a ‘partying’ tourist destination for most Westerners, Thai society is by nature modest and conservative. As in China, the concept of ‘face’ is one of the underpinning factors influencing how Thais behave and interact.
Face refers to a person’s – or a collective’s – reputation, dignity, and honor. One can give face through actions such as complimenting someone, demonstrating respect, or increasing another person’s self-esteem. Conversely, pointing out someone’s errors, criticizing them, or raising one’s voice are all seen as actions that can cause a loss of face and cause embarrassment.
Thus, face can be given, lost, saved, or maintained. Cultures that are aware of face see their individuals typically act with more deliberation and restraint to protect their peer perception and general self-worth. As people wish to maintain harmony and offer others the amount of respect they deserve, conservative conduct is the norm.
To preserve peace and minimize the risk of losing face, Thais are often contemplative and deliberate in how they present themselves. A pleasant demeanor and calm disposition are the norm, while excessive negative emotions like anger or loud outbursts are avoided.
Hierarchy & Loyalty
Social interactions among Thai people usually consider another individual’s status in relation to oneself (i.e., age, expertise, social level, etc.). In nearly all cases, the way one sits, walks, addresses another person, or otherwise interacts socially will depend upon the status of individuals in the group.
Therefore, it is natural for Thais to ask personal questions to ascertain status, so they address you correctly and behave appropriately. This is often achieved by using honorifics that indicate both affection and relation, and they indicate respect with the depth of the wai used.
As might be expected, the highest level of respect is awarded to both the king and the Buddhist monks who are revered.
Despite a small amount of social change in Thailand, people generally do not challenge the hierarchy. Rather, they tend to respect authority without question and accept the differences in status among them. Strong family ties create a feeling of honor and respect in the family group.
Indeed, loyalty to the family, friends, or community will, sometimes, override social rules, and Thais rarely jeopardize the interests of the collective group, often taking responsibility for fellow members.
The Monarchy
With the country’s lengthy history of monarchical rule, the ruler plays a central role in Thai culture. The sitting king is the head of state but rarely intervenes in political matters. Bhumibol Adulyadej, who ruled from 1946 to his recent death in 2016, was the world’s second longest-reigning monarch (70 years) after Louis XIV of France (74 years)
The ‘heart of the Thai people,’ as he was affectionately known, Abulyadej is given the utmost respect, even in death, as many still see him as the national symbol of Thai identity and unity. His image permeates the daily life of Thais, frequently appearing in public and people’s homes as a constant reminder of a unified ‘Thai identity.’
Many Thai restaurants in the West show respect by showcasing a portrait of the recent king in a prominent place. Showing disrespect for the king or members of the royal family is illegal and a social taboo. Citizens are restricted from exhibiting behavior that could be interpreted as defamatory or critical of the royal family, and visitors would be wise to do the same.
Mai pen rai is a Thai expression reflecting the encompassing approach that life is to be enjoyed. Like Hakuna Matata or Que Sera Sera, the ethic gives Thais the ability to enjoy working hard, yet simultaneously be willing to accept and be content with what they have. ‘If it’s going to happen – it will happen.’
This attitude is reflected in ‘Sanuk,’ explained loosely as the effort to achieve satisfaction in all that one does and make the most of any situation. This can be observed in the way some Thais can enjoy the most mundane activities. Indeed, it is a common sight for Thais to smile and banter when interacting with others.
How Should You Greet Someone in Thailand?
Traveling through Thailand, you will notice the Thai ‘Wai,’ a greeting performed by a slight bow, with the palms pressed together in a prayer-like fashion at around chest height (More detail on the wai below). Handshakes are not a traditional greeting in Thailand, and many people feel uncomfortable engaging in this very western greeting.
In both formal and informal situations, Thai people greet each other with the word ‘Sawasdee’ followed by ‘kah’ for females or ‘kraap’ (soft r) for males. (Sawasdee kah / Sawasdee kraap) It is normal to refer to someone whose status seems higher with the title ‘Khun‘ (Mr/Ms) followed by their first name if known. ‘Khun George,’ ‘Khun Ponthip,’ etc.
People of the same age or close friends omit the use of the term Khun, and generally, nicknames are only used when one is invited to use them.
When making introductions, Thais will usually introduce a man to a woman rather than the reverse, and a younger person to an older person.
In an international or business context only, a handshake is an acceptable greeting. However, a male should only shake a female’s hand if she extends it to him first. Alternatively, stick to the wai, particularly with persons over 35 years of age – it works a charm.
Basic Etiquette
As touched upon, how one interacts with others, sits, or walks is determined by the status of all persons present. For example, you may normally – and perfectly correctly – sit with your legs crossed, but it is considered offensive to sit on a chair with one’s legs crossed when in the presence of an elder.
It is taboo to pass objects using just the left hand, regardless of your company. Passing with both hands, or more normally, just the right hand is correct. Just remember that right is right.
Pointing at someone with your index finger or foot is considered clumsy manners and rude. Use the flat of your hand at a 45-degree angle with all four fingers aimed below the waist of the person you are indicating.
The soles of your feet should never be visible to another person. It would be best if you sat in a way that avoids this and never sit with your legs extended in front of you. Feet on tables is not something commonly done in the West, but placing a chair under your calves is, and should be avoided in Thai company.
The top of the human head is considered sacrosanct and the most important part of the human body. Westerners like to ruffle young children’s hair in a playful way but to even touch someone on the top of their head, particularly a baby or child, is considered rude and insensitive.
In both cultures, what is perfectly normal at home is not necessarily appreciated or accepted when immersed in another culture. Basic good manners are vital, but keep a keen eye out when moving about the Kingdom. Many nuances can be easily spotted from observing the locals.
Calling on Thai Homes
Thais are generally hospitable people who enjoy hosting visitors, and guests typically arrive at or close to the appointed time, although Thais can be quite forgiving about punctuality. Thankfully, there is none of the West’s confusing “Dinner is at 6.30 for 7.00” in Thai culture!
It is unnecessary to give a gift to the hostess when visiting, but if brought, it will be welcomed and appreciated. Appropriate gifts include fruit, flowers, liquors, or cakes. As is often the case in the West, the host receives nothing.
Stepping on the threshold of a door in someone’s home is another taboo, as it is a common belief (more prevalent among the older generation) that the spirit of an ancestor resides there. In order to be respectful when entering a house, step well over the threshold and into the room.
As we have already noted, footwear should be removed when entering any temple complexes, but this also applies to someone’s home.
In the home, folk often sit on the floor, with Women typically tucking their legs to the side and behind them while men sit cross-legged. Since it is offensive to stretch one’s feet and legs out in front and thus point at others, those with back issues and sciatica should consider this seating requirement when planning a home visit.
The Wai in More Detail (as promised)
Greetings are often accompanied by the respectful gesture known as the ‘wai,’ where you place your two palms together, fingertips just touching your nose. This wai indicates the level of respect you have for a specific person and acknowledges seniority.
You would bow your head while doing this to indicate respect. The depth of your bow and the final placement of your fingertips would indicate the level of respect you have for the person concerned. In recent years, the wai is being used less and less by the younger generation, who are far more casual socially.
When a senior person responds to the wai from another person, younger or subordinate to him, he may politely wai with his / her hands at chest level. With fingertips not touching the face and only a slight bowing of the head, he/she shows respect and acknowledgment of the wai. This wai is known as a ‘rap wai’ and is often accompanied by a slight nod.
To indicate respect for parents, leaders, teachers, and the elderly, the palms of the wai are pressed higher so that the thumbs momentarily touch the nose, and the fingertips lie between the eyebrows.
Young children are required to bend their knees when they wai, but adults do not.
There is a wai reserved for Buddha images, monks, and the royal family that involves prostration and is only for religious or royal contexts.
Dining
Throughout much of the world, the left hand is considered the ‘dirty’ hand. Avoid handling food and communal serving utensils with your left hand. The rule of avoiding left-hand use especially applies when enjoying items such as sticky rice that is eaten with the hands.
Forks and spoons are most commonly used when dining, and knives are rare at the table. Chopsticks are prevalent with noodle dishes and in the homes of people of Chinese ethnicity, of which there are many in Thailand. Transferring food from the common plate to your plate should never be done with your utensils, and the serving spoon should be used.
In many homes, it is believed inconsiderate to take a little of each dish when first taking food, as this can lead to overeating or food wastage. Rather finish what you have on your plate whereupon your host will offer you more. Once you have finished your meal, leave a small portion of something behind to show the host that sufficient food was provided and that the meal was satisfying. If you wipe the plate clean rather than show your appreciation for the meal, it can indicate insufficient food.
Utensils are placed together on the plate when you are finished eating to indicate this fact to your host.
If a meal contains bones, it is acceptable to eject the bones onto one’s spoon and pile them on the side of the plate.
When eating out – If you are invited out, the host will usually pay the bill. However, if in a group of friends, you will usually split the bill and pay for yourself.
Clothing
Clothing can be used as an indicator of social status, and it is considered important to dress in modest and neat clothing. Women should always wear bras, particularly in Bangkok, or at least have their breasts well-covered.
As you may expect, wearing singlets (vests) or shorts in any holy place is not acceptable, though sandals are perfectly fine. You will be hard-pressed to find many Thais wearing closed shoes unless working in offices or banks, and even then, sandals are common. You will not be allowed access to a temple unless your shoulders and knees are suitably covered.
In terms of dress for ladies, singlets with thin straps that expose your shoulders and skirts that sit above the knee are sometimes considered too revealing in Thailand. Men going shirtless is only acceptable on beaches and at hotel swimming pools.
As Thailand becomes more cosmopolitan, social attitudes are changing to include a larger variety of fashions. However, consideration should still be made if you are visiting a school or someone’s house.
A reliable rule of thumb in Thailand is to dress a little more conservatively than you would at home.
Can you Wear Red in Thailand?
Supporters of the former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra, who was ousted by the military in 2006, are the United Front for Democracy against Dictatorship (UDD), called The Red Shirts colloquially.
Largely backed by the rural poor who are fiercely loyal to Thaksin because of his populist policies while in office from 2001-2006, many ‘red shirts’ are those who helped the billionaire win two election landslides.
The UDD still backs Thaksin, despite him having a criminal record and confiscation of $1.4 billion of his assets deemed by the Supreme Court to be ill-gotten gains from abuse of power. Many ‘red shirts’ believe the graft case was politically motivated to keep him sidelined.
They say their campaign is a fight for democracy and a battle against Thailand’s elite – including royal advisers, influential business people, military generals, and the judiciary – who they say have abused their power and conspired to overthrow elected governments by various means.
The color red is less emotive today than it was a decade ago, but avoid wearing a red shirt unless you want to show you are a UDD supporter. Dresses, skirts, and shorts have no political overtones in this regard.
Gift Giving
Gift giving in Thailand is quite informal, although pride is taken in the wrapping of the gift. However, blue, black, and green are avoided as they are typically associated with death and mourning.
Gifts are not usually large and can be sweets or other small tokens, but it is thought to be disrespectful to open a gift in the giver’s presence unless invited to do so.
It is considered bad luck for the gift giver if the receiver damages their gift, which may be why money is the most common gift for weddings or ordination parties (celebrations of a monk’s ordination into the monastery). No one damages money, right?!
Less Obvious Dos:
- One’s occupation is a perfectly acceptable topic of discussion. Inquiring into someone’s line of work is quite a solid ice breaker.
- Be conscious of maintaining the face of both yourself and your Thai counterpart. Always avoid embarrassing someone by criticizing or correcting them in public or even private unless you know them very well.
- Show gratitude through reciprocating favors or helpful deeds. This helps to build trust in relationships.
- Be very considerate towards the zealousness of the Thai people for their recently deceased king. As alluded to earlier, Thais still have the utmost respect for him, and defaming the king may offend your Thai counterpart. Not only is it very disrespectful and inappropriate, but it can have legal consequences in Thailand.
- Show the utmost respect towards older adults. They are a cherished part of Thai society as they once were in the West and deserve respect.
- Rather than lose your temper, always maintain a calm exterior when interacting with Thais. Raised voices, shows of anger, worry, stress, and other negative emotions will lead to a loss of face. If possible, be moderate or even avoid the displaying of unpleasant emotions.
If your Thai counterpart makes a frank comment about someone’s body shape or thinning hair, no offense is intended. Unlike the West, where it is considered taboo to refer to someone’s physical condition before you know them well, comments of this nature in the Kingdom are not intended to be hurtful, invasive, or offensive.
Less Obvious Don’ts:
- Stand above a figure of the Buddha or any image of the king, and as with live Thais, don’t point your feet at any image of the Buddha or the king. Always bow your head slightly to these as a sign of respect.
- Directly criticize people. Negative comments are generally diluted with an apologetic statement (i.e., ‘I don’t mean to offend, but…’).
- Offer questions about income, the standard of living, or things that would be considered personal back home, as these topics are not usually welcomed in the discussion. However, Thais may well ask questions relating to age, work, and level of education, but only to ensure they address you correctly in future interactions.
- Speak loudly, lose control of your temper or raise your voice. It can lead to a loss of face for you and embarrassment for any Thais involved.
- Have physical contact with a monk. If a woman must pass an object to a monk, she should hold the object with a tissue or handkerchief or use a male intermediary.
- Assume all Southeast Asian peoples are the same. There are a variety of distinct countries and cultures across the region. Thus, avoid homogenizing those from Thailand with neighboring countries such as Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, or Myanmar (Burma).
A very rude error to make and to guess someone’s ethnicity is a dangerous game, much like asking a woman who appears pregnant when she is due. If you’ve guessed correctly, you are rewarded with smiles and joy, but woe betides you if you are wrong.
Other Considerations
Thai persons that identify as transgender, ‘kathoey‘ (ka/terrrr/ee), are a lot more public about their presence nowadays, and these people are generally accepted throughout Thailand. However, human nature being true to self, they continue to occupy a marginalized role in Thai society and struggle daily for an identity.
It would be best if you avoided referring to kathoeys as ‘ladyboys,’ a term created by the tourism industry and highly offensive to those who identify as a kathoey.
A common stereotype attributed to Thai people is that they are complacent and always smiling. Still, while the Thai demeanor is warm, this stereotype is problematic as it can characterize them as a pushover and primed for exploitation.
In Thailand, the question “Bai nai?” (“Where are you going?”) is sometimes used to enquire about one’s well-being (i.e., “How are you doing?”) and is not a literal inquiry about your destination. An acceptable response would be “Down the road.”
Etiquette in Business
Meetings
In Thailand, formal business meetings are preceded by a written invitation (often email) followed by a phone call or text.
At the meeting, punctuality is expected, and a suit and tie should be worn unless you are notified otherwise. In Thailand, it is believed that the way one presents oneself correlates to their standing professionally.
You are expected to engage in small talk before a Thai business meeting, with conversation about family, age, hobbies, and education being usual topics. Relationships are very important to Thai business culture, and it is considered rude and abrupt to talk business without a smattering of small talk first.
Give and accept business cards with your right hand (or both), and consider the details of the card you receive for a few seconds before storing it away. Quickly shoving it into a pocket may indicate disrespect to the card giver.
Initial meetings often exist purely to establish a rapport, and few (if any) results are achieved until follow-up meetings.
During the meeting, you should always address the most senior person with whom you have started a relationship. If senior officials are present at a meeting, they expect to meet with someone of a similar ranking in the other organization, not with juniors.
Avoid unnecessarily filling in periods of silence – it is common for careful consideration before a response is given.
Business Communication
The concept of face raises its head again and plays an important role in business interactions as people seek to maintain the reputation of themselves, their business, and other people. Sensitive or difficult conversations are expected to be initiated only from those of higher authority or status, and direct refusals are often avoided.
In terms of listening in a business setting, Thais are often docile listeners and rarely interrupt a speaker. When interacting with your Thai business counterpart, be conscious of what emotions you display and how they may be received. Nonetheless, acting as one typically would in business interactions at home – a respectable, patient, and calm manner – is a good approach.
Conclusion
In essence, you will gain far more from your Thai experience if you are willing to put in the effort and both learn and respect the customs of these wonderfully welcoming people. Put even more simply, as visiting tourists and business people, we are not God’s gift to humanity, and a little humility on our part can work wonders.